Children and the Power of Mentors

This transcript has been adapted from the attached audio. It may not be in its final form and may be updated.

HAROLD HARPER: Joe, welcome back to For Faith & Family.

JOE WHITE: Harold, it’s a joy for me to work with you. I can’t wait to see what God has in store today.

HARPER: One of the chapters in this book that I love is titled, “Unleashing the Power of Mentors.” I want to talk about that, because I’m a product of being mentored as well. It was an incredible experience for me. Why do you think mentors are so important?

WHITE: Well, Harold, the two finest women that I know are my mom and my wife, and neither one of them had a dad. My wife’s dad was killed when she was five. He was a test pilot for the Navy and so Debby Jo grew up without a dad. She did have a step-dad later on. My mom was raised by her mom alone, and this is just for single mommies and single daddies, and I just think you are the heroes of our society, I really do. I just don’t know how you do it, but it is so important for every child that there is a solid adult male in their life, and there is a solid adult female in their life. That’s where a mentor really becomes important. I just had the joy, in fact, I just wrote a parent letter out called, “You and Your Child,” to all of our families about having your child involved in a small group with a solid adult male or a solid adult female. I got to take Jamie’s eight best boy friends, her “guy friends,” she would call them, and for four years I got to be their Bible study leader. I would pick them up on Friday morning, and we would have Dunkin’ Donuts together and then we’d talk about the Lord and talk about the Word and we met every Friday morning for four years. We just had our ten year reunion the other day and watching these kids now, almost grown, walking with Christ in their own lives and having children. Then for my son I got to be the mentor, Bible study leader for his seven friends. My other son, then I got to be the Bible study leader for his seven friends. Every Thursday or Friday morning, for four years, we would sit around the table and we would talk about the Lord. I would go pick them up and cook breakfast for them, do whatever, but a lot of my guys didn’t have an adult in their life.

HARPER: Did you only do it to guys that didn’t have a father or were there some that…?

WHITE: A lot of them had fathers, but they didn’t really have necessarily a mentor, someone who would share the things of God with the kids. And then for parents who do have a mom and a dad, you know, in my home, Debby Jo and I, but my kids still, as everybody knows, there are times when mom or dad are not very smart. There are times when mom and dad, you know, I don’t know anything. I’m working with Focus on the Family and I don’t know anything about anything; ask my kids. But that’s when it was important for me to cultivate other men and women in their lives and to help get them involved with, whether it was a Sunday School teacher or young life leader, CFA leader, camp counselor, or somebody else.

HARPER: That’s a good point, because some of our listeners right now may have a little difficulty wrapping their mind around this because there is a fear out there today and when you watch the news, of entrusting your kid to another adult in a one-on-one setting, but you talk about healthy mentoring models that you were just kind of rattling off there. There are several different ways that perhaps you can have mentors that are safe and we certainly want you to check out the mentor, but talk to us about the various different mentors out there. Obviously a coach is a mentor, but what are some other ways?

WHITE: There are some things that a parent needs to be an expert on. One of them is, who are your kids friends? One of the early needs for a mom or dad is to just quietly become a PhD in who your kids’ friends are and if they want to go over and spend the night with somebody, well, you have them come over and spend the night at your house until you find out who they are and what their morals are and what their values are and what their parents are saying at home, etc. When you get through that stage and then as they start getting into their pre-teens and teens, again, when your parent voice isn’t as strong as you wish it was, and you’re not the wise, wonderful mom that you thought you were, or dad, then you’ve got your antennae up for men or women in your community who have a solid strong trustworthy Christian voice in their life. Sure, a coach can be that, and sometimes he or she is and sometimes he or she is not. But a Sunday School teacher can be that. A Para church, young life FCA leader can be that person. Finding a small group for your child to be in, I just go off on that forever. That is huge. My next door neighbors, Gary Smalley and Norma, say that is one of the two or three most important things you can do for your child, is to get them in a small group with an adult, either yourself or outside your home, who will meet with them on a weekly basis with several of their peers, a great way to get a mentor involved. Harold, on a practical basis, parents who are turned to that need to find somebody outside the home. You can go and sort of in an incognito way, you can go behind the scenes and you can encourage that person, whether it is a college study in your town, or whether it is a young college graduate in your town, you can kind of be the behind-the-scenes facilitator who can put that small group together and you can help that young person by maybe paying some of his bills or, you know, helping him with some needs in his or her life and to encourage that person to get involved with your kids.

HARPER: You know, as I mentioned before we started recording, I was at Liberty recently and I met some of the kids that had come out of your camp, some of the kids that were counselors there. I am impressed about your ministry in that when a camper comes to camp, they are not just coming for the seven days or the thirteen days, there is a connect there and many times there is a connection that stays for a long period of time, pouring into those kids. So, not only are you modeling mentoring out there, but you are also training the counselors to mentor as well. It is such an important thing, don’t you think?

WHITE: It’s gigantic. Yes, our counselors are with us for a summer or portion of the summer. We have 2,500 summer staff from 241 college campuses. By the way, Harold, incidentally you mentioned Liberty. I have never met a counselor from Liberty, and we have had several hundred, that wasn’t terrific. We’ve never had an average counselor from Liberty University, isn’t that interesting? Not one.

HARPER: It was incredible being with those kids at Liberty.

WHITE: Fabulous student body, but we encourage our counselors to stay involved with the kids on a year-round basis. We encourage them, in fact, we send them addresses and postage stamps, again, we are facilitating mentoring and it costs money, but, man, it is worth it.

HARPER: I also want to talk about, you’ve got a chapter in here about, “Making an Investment in Our Kids.” Talk to some of the ways that we invest in our kids because I don’t think that many parents look at parenting from an investment. It was a tremendous word picture for me. You talk about investing time, energy, resources, creativity, and humility. Talk to us about your whole idea, your whole concept of investment because it’s just something I’ve never thought about as a parent. I just haven’t thought about it.

WHITE: You know, for sure, when I realized that my legacy, my only legacy is my children and, sure, I may be able to start some programs or ministries or whatever, but my bloodline, my love and my life are my children, and now my grandchildren. So, whatever it takes to invest in my children, it is by far the most important thing I can do, and as you mentioned, Harold, the number one investment that I can place in my children is time. Kids spell love, t-i-m-e. If I am spending time with my kids doing what they want to do, and I’m a busy, driven guy, but at 4:30 or 5:00 or 5:30, as soon as I can get home, I want to get my hands on that basketball or on that football or I want to sit down and listen to that clarinet play. And the second thing, Harold, that is equal to that, is to invest God’s Word in my child. Parents hear me, Joe White, is no theologian. I didn’t spend a day in seminary, I wish I would have, but there just wasn’t time in those days, but to lay by your children at night and to invest God’s Word in your kids’ heart, patiently, lovingly, not in a task-oriented kind of thing, but to memorize verses in the Bible with your kids at night. In our home, by the grace of God, I read this in Moody Monthly Magazine when my kids were small, how important it is to memorize Scripture with your children. The verses become chapters and whenever we would finish a chapter of memory work at night, we’d go to Wal-Mart and we’d celebrate. We’d buy rollerblades or something. We’d just make the biggest thing in the world when they finished the 23rd Psalm, or when they finished I Corinthians 13, or when they finished Philippians 2. Then the chapters become books, and your kids walk away to college and they’ve got chunks of God’s Word in their heart. Harold, hear me, there’s nothing worth lasting and nothing more life shaping than investing God’s Word in your kids’ hearts.

This For Faith & Family Insight has been produced by the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission. Join the conversation at iLiveValues.com.